When you are not chosen by someone, it can feel horrible.
There is no reason to continue in a situation or even choose one in which we are not valued and seen.
Perhaps you are in love with someone, but they do not love you back. The idea of winning the person over may be a recurring fantasy.
At the beginning of every relationship there will be a time of wooing and extra loving acts. It is natural to go above and beyond when we first start dating someone. A little extra effort is always given because the relationship is fun and new. However, there is a line between a bit of extra effort and trying to convince someone that you are meant to be together.
There are ways to identify if and when you have been the one to cross this line. First, start by asking yourself some probing questions like whether someone has been clear that they are not looking for a relationship. If this is the case and you keep living in a fantasy world that brings you two together, it is time to step back and reassess. Perhaps you have fallen deeply in love, but the other person only seems lukewarm? This person is not that into you and it is time to walk away instead of trying to convince the person otherwise. There is no point in making yourself suffer for someone not willing to commit. If you must manipulate a person into loving you, you will wind up obsessing over a fantasy and ultimately, rejected.
As much as we all want the dream of a committed, loving relationship with someone you have fantasized about, part of you may realize it is not possible. There is a chance you have been hurt by past relationships and you are unconsciously trying to force a relationship that will not work as a way of protection. You may also not believe in your own worthiness which can fuel your behavior of chasing people who are not interested. As much as some of us want love, we may feel that it is scary or undeserved.
If this sounds familiar then use the energy you have been investing in chasing the fantasy and work on yourself. This gives you time to heal and focus on personal beliefs. The focus should be on a healthy relationship with self.
Be ruthlessly honest with yourself about the status of your relationship, chasing or dating. You should not have to chase after the one you are meant to be with in life. You deserve peace with someone who shares your values and love. Choose someone who also chooses you.
Take back the power in life and choose the one who wants to be chosen. We all have options when it comes to relationships, but the relationship that matters most is the one with yourself. The way you treat yourself is the way others will treat you in a relationship. Choose yourself and stop running after others.
