When it comes to long-term relationships, the intimate one, it is expected that some betrayal and hurt will occur. This is part of life. Whether your partner lies about something small or something big, it can cause pain. So, we need to find relationships that are worth putting effort into, over time, even if repairs are needed. While some issues will present a bigger challenge than others, a specific issue does not automatically doom a relationship.
Below are a few of the signs that, if present, the relationship can be repaired:
We Factor
Regardless of what the problem may be or who was the cause of the problem, a couple that is successful will take a team approach. You may still be mad he bought a motorcycle without talking to you first, but as a team “we will figure out how to pay the debt”. The “we” factor makes a difference. If this perspective can be taken even when angry with one another, then there is hope.
Joint Responsibility
While we may be able to blame a specific action on a partner, like having an affair, we must also look at contributing factors. Maybe impulse control or lack of it is an issue or you have not been emotionally available. In order to rebuild trust, each person must take their responsibility in a matter, even if it was simple passivity. Taking responsibility starts to close the chasm as your partner does the same. Be willing to be introspective so the problems can be corrected, not repeated.
Love
Though it seems obvious, this is the biggest area. If you and your partner still love one another and have the ability and willingness to show it, then even great problems can be overcome. This takes knowing the other person’s love language so you can show love in ways that are meaningful to them.
External Support
Social media is not a great form of support because it allows us to compare our relationships and be shamed for wanting to stay with someone who has been unfaithful. Instead, we need to surround ourselves with friends and family we can talk to and who will support our decisions.
You Both Want It
A relationship cannot fix itself. If you have been straightforward with your partner about areas in which you both need work, but they will not take any form of responsibility or make changes, then it is time to walk away.
It must be noted that almost any issue can be resolved, but any type of abuse is not something to work on. Get out immediately and keep yourself safe. While people can change this type of behavior over time, do not wait around hoping to see that happen.
