Some women think about possibly entering into a “friends with benefits” scenario. While this may seem like a good short-term solution to meet your physical needs, it comes with a lot of complications as well.
For those who are seriously considering this type of arrangement, there are some boundaries and rules that must be set before getting involved. There are also some pitfalls that you need to know about.
First, here are 10 rules to abide by if you do decide to have a friend with benefits arrangement.
- They really can’t be in your social circle. The phrase “friends with benefits” isn’t accurate because, at some point, you probably will need a clean break. That means you will not want to see him or be forced into an awkward social situation with him.
This means they can’ be a neighbor, ex-boyfriend, a current friend or co-worker.
- Don’t do this to make yourself happy.
The truth is you shouldn’t enter into any relationship unless you are already happy and satisfied with your own life. Depending on any relationship to make you happy is a big mistake and entering into a sexual relationship to find happiness will just place unrealistic expectations on your partner. That will end badly.
- Both can do whatever you want when you’re not together.
Sure, you have fun when you are together but, remember, this isn’t a real relationship. That means if you are out and run across him with another woman, you can’t get angry.
- Keep your options open.
You can’t act like you are committed to him because you’re not. You still need to be looking for someone to become your true significant other. You may not be ready for that type of deep relationship yet, but you will eventually want it. You don’t want to miss it if it comes your way.
- He is not your boyfriend.
This is the primary rule. Ignore it and your casual, fun friend’s situation will turn messy quickly. This relationship started to be flirtatious and fun. It wasn’t created to have any sort of deep meaning, so you shouldn’t expect that. It would be unfair to put your partner in that role when that wasn’t the understanding from the beginning.
- Drama is banned.
A friend with benefits arrangement is meant to be fun and easy. You should not bring any drama to it. This means he isn’t there to listen to you about your day, to hear you complain about your sister.
The upside of this is that there aren’t any arguments or unrealistic expectations. If you find you are having issues in dealing with a non-emotional relationship, it is time to end it.
- The guy must be emotionally stable.
He has to have it together. This means he has a job, friends, family a life. He isn’t depressed and doesn’t collect drama. He doesn’t get jealous or angry easily. He isn’t possessive and doesn’t put demands on you. Beware if he is going through any major changes or seems to have a lot of problems. These types of people suck the life out of others.
- Stay sexy.
Remember, you are still on the market so now is no time to start slacking in maintaining yourself. Besides, you need to stay sexy to keep the excitement alive in this type of arrangement.
- Make pleasure mutual.
Since the primary objective of a friend with benefits arrangement is sex, both of you need to make sure that both are having a satisfying experience. This means you can’t take a back seat to his pleasure. Tell him what you need to enjoy it and make sure your pleasure is also a priority to him.
- It’s all about sex.
One of the advantages of this type of relationship is you aren’t under any expectations. This means you are free to explore and try new things without worrying about what your partner thinks. If you do this, allow yourself the opportunity to use it to explore what is sexy and exciting for you.
The Truth of It All
Some people can have this type of relationship and it will work for them. The truth is most can’t. That’s because we are human and have emotions that get in the way of a purely physical relationship. Here are some things to remember:
- Sex always involved emotions. Regardless of your intentions, sex almost always becomes emotional for women. Men can separate the physical from the emotional but women take sex as an intimacy thing. It is difficult for women to separate the two especially as the relationship continues over time.
- It will end. This is almost a certainty because of the type of relationship it is. As great as sex is, it isn’t enough to sustain a relationship for a long time. This type of relationship isn’t meant to last for an extended time anyway.
- You could get hurt. Regardless of how or why you started the relationship, there is always a possibility you will fall for the guy. This is especially true if you two explore the “friends” part. Going out, even for casual fun, always involves getting to know someone and that could eventually lead to other things like going to a wedding or a family thing. It may start to avoid going to these awkward social gatherings alone, but could become more as your family and friends start having input.
Besides, you wouldn’t be considering a friend with benefits relationship if you didn’t like him at all. So, realize your heart could be betrayed at some point.
- Realize it may be just sex for him. While you may find him fun and smart, he may just like your boobs and butt. Really. Most men will tell you they will have sex with virtually anyone if offered, so understand that sex is more primal for him than for you. If you start seeing it for anything more than that, you will get hurt.
Understanding the consequences and risks of a friend with benefits relationship is key to understanding what it may take for you to be happy. You may find that this type of relationship isn’t really what you want, but you may be settling in considering it.