A relationship can feel one-sided when your time, needs or preferences repeatedly receive little consideration. You may find yourself making every plan, providing support you cannot sustain or agreeing to things because saying no feels difficult.
The word “selfish” does not tell you exactly what someone feels or whether they can love. What you can examine is the pattern of behaviour and whether the relationship makes room for both people.
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Describe the imbalance
Begin with something concrete: “I arrange every visit and do all the travelling,” or “When I share a problem, the conversation quickly returns to you.” This gives you a concern you can discuss without having to prove a hidden motive.
Consider how often it happens, what you have already tried and how it affects you. An occasional lapse and a persistent refusal to consider your needs may call for different responses.
Consider circumstances without erasing needs
Fairness does not always mean doing identical tasks or contributing the same amount every day. Illness, disability, work or caring responsibilities may affect what someone can offer.
Discuss what is realistic and what support is missing. For example, a partner may be unable to travel but willing to help arrange another way to meet. The question is whether both people’s needs can be acknowledged and considered.
You do not need to deny your own limits because the other person has a genuine difficulty. Sometimes the current arrangement needs outside help or a different plan.
Make a clear request
The NHS guide to healthy relationships discusses open conversation, listening and boundaries. Where it is safe to talk, describe the change you would like rather than asking the person to become “less selfish.”
Try, “I cannot keep travelling every weekend. Can we discuss a plan that shares the effort differently?” Leave room for a practical alternative, and be clear about what you cannot continue doing.
You can listen to their perspective without agreeing that your concern is unreasonable. A conversation may clarify a misunderstanding, reveal a constraint or show that your expectations differ.
Choose limits you can maintain
Decide what you are willing and able to offer. A limit might concern time, money, privacy, household work or the way you are spoken to.
Keep it within your control: “I will not lend more money,” or “I will pause a conversation that includes insults.” A boundary does not guarantee that the other person will like it or change.
You do not owe physical or sexual access in exchange for affection, gifts or practical help. Your body is not a contribution you must make to balance the relationship.
Notice the response over time
Look for specific follow-through. Does the person remember the agreement, discuss a problem when it arises and make room for your refusal? Or do they dismiss the concern, agree without acting or punish you for raising it?
An apology can be part of repair, but it does not remove the need to address the behaviour. You are allowed to reconsider an arrangement even if the other person says their intentions are loving.
If you fear retaliation, threats or controlling behaviour, seek private support from a domestic-abuse service before confronting the person. Communication advice is not a requirement to stay in danger.
Review your options
You might renegotiate a specific responsibility, reduce what you offer, seek individual support or decide to leave. Practical ties can affect the next step, so take appropriate advice about your circumstances.
You do not have to settle the question of whether someone “really loves” you before deciding that a pattern does not meet your needs. Your experience and freedom to choose deserve consideration.