The number one thing that may be keeping you from making a love connection is trust. Not only is this detrimental to your mental and emotional health, it may lead to illness due to stress.
Moving past these issues is going to be hard. These issues are linked to your past experiences because you were probably betrayed or humiliated in other relationships. This may lead to overwhelming trust issues in your current partnership. Your current trust issues are just a defense mechanism.
But why is it so hard to let go of our past?
It is simple: Prejudice. Your relationship prejudice is come by honestly. You may be anticipating betrayal through no fault of your current partner. This prejudice is layered with the feeling that people are eventually going to hurt you in some way. This hyper vigilance is intended to protect you. The downside of this is that you can become isolated because when you can’t trust someone you miss out on friendships, networking and love.
If you want to overcome these issues, you have to change your perspective. Look at your problems of trust as a sabotage as opposed to protection. This will help you motivate yourself to work through your issues.
You can work through these problems if you understand what they are.
Here are few common ones:
- You try and predict how you will be betrayed without reason. If you are with a partner who has a history of betrayal, this is indeed founded. But if you are with someone who has given you no reason to distrust, you are dragging your own past into the future
- You trust people the wrong people. As strange as it seems, if you trust someone who will more than likely betray you, you probably have some trust issues. This is because you are jumping right into a self-fulfill prophecy. You are doing this because your subconscious wants to prove your fears correct.
- You put your faith into someone too soon. This is also connected to that self-fulfilling prophecy thing. You may not know how trust truly works. Real trust is earned. As an adult, you should only extend trust as people earn it.
- Sharing is not always caring.
- When you have trust issues, opening up and giving too much too soon leaves you emotionally vulnerable, which, in turn leads right back to that lack of trust.
- You find yourself in shallow relationships. You may feel that you are deep and whole person but any relationship you enter into that harbors mistrust will be shallow. This is because you are protecting yourself.
- Lack of ability to commit emotionally. The trust issues you have builds you a world where you are constantly waiting for loss. This makes your relationships ungrounded. It is hard for you to commit because you just know you are going to lose this person.
- Legitimate mistakes are misconstrued. As we all know, people are not perfect. People make mistakes. If you do not trust people you will not be able to deal with small mistakes. Lateness becomes deceit. Loud talking means you are not loved. If they can’t be with your right now, they are rejecting you.
- You may be seen as intolerant. Your inability to trust helps you respond to other people. If you find it hard to trust someone, other people will find it hard to trust you. You may seem inflexible. If you are constantly jumping at mistakes your partner will grow away from you.
- You feel lonely. When you don’t trust, you can’t share. No one will be able to get to know the real you. Eventually you will feel like you don’t belong. There are many reasons that you don’t trust people. Your mind has processed your hurt and internalized it. On the outside you say that you are over it. On the inside, the hurt is still there. This may lead to you even mistrusting yourself and knowing who you really are.
- A sense of hopelessness. Your trust issues may lead you to a place of depression and despair. You have to be able to trust to interact with the world. If you can’t adjust, you will feel as if you don’t belong.
As hard as it may seem you can work through your trust issues. It will be hard and will take more courage and strength than you thought you could muster. It will be worth the effort if you stick with it.
- Let yourself take the risk of learning to trust
- Find a partner-this can be a therapist
- Learn how trust is truly earned and kept
- Start taking emotional risks
- Confront your suspicions and fears.
- Learn from your past.
As you go through this process, you will learn that you will eventually be disappointed. This is because humans are imperfect. People will make choices and these choices may not go your way. t. They make their choices and that doesn’t always work in your favor. People can be insensitive.
That’s just the way life is.
You can’t avoid the emotional pain that comes with life. You can learn how to process this pain. Learn from the lesson of feeling. You can feel the pain. You can feel the grief. You can cry. Feel things. Embrace your vulnerability. This means that you are ready to move on to fully trusting again.