Love is tough and it’s hard to get over when it doesn’t work out. It is particularly difficult when it’s the end of a long-term relationship like a divorce or death. The more history you have, the more time you’ve invested, the more challenging getting over that person becomes.
All of us want the pain of a break-up to end quickly. The truth is it probably won’t. It takes time to heal and how fast you get over it depends on you and your situation. However, you can make it better by implementing these nine strategies.
- Take a step back.
Any relationship ending, whether it is by break-up or death, is terrible. You will need time to process it. That means you need to take a break and just breathe. Give yourself time. You will find that you will see things you didn’t see when you were in a battle to save your relationship. You can’t see what you are doing when you are in that fight. Now is a good time to look at it objectively.
- Don’t go to special places.
You may have had a special restaurant or park you liked. Don’t go there. These things only bring up memories and that can be painful. This includes your favorite songs, or even favorite television shows and movies. These things will trigger you and likely the memories are far better than the reality.
Strive to create new memories by visiting new places and doing new things.
- Don’t stalk your ex.
Sure, you may be curious about what they are up to but finding out what they are doing will not help you. It will only keep you stuck in a miserable cycle. It serves you no purpose to know about the new love in your ex’s life. Do yourself a favor, block them. The less you know, the better off you are.
- Don’t allow booty calls.
At some point, you may run into your ex and those old feelings start to simmer. Your ex may feel the same after a break-up. You two get nostalgic and that is a turn on. It is easy to wind up in bed. This is a definitive no. Having sex with your ex after you break up will only hurt you because you will not get back together, yet sex will lead you to believe you will. Let it go and move on.
- Do something new.
You can replace memories of your ex with new, exciting times you have right now. Make a list of all the things you want to do but haven’t. Make at least some of them a priority. Decide which ones you can do first and which need planning. Then set out to do it.
Your list could include taking up a new hobby, taking a trip solo, or with friends, joining a gym, learning a new language. It can be any number of things
- Make friends and family a priority.
It is important to have your support circle around you as you deal with personal battles Your inner circle will be your cheerleader and love you no matter what. Make sure to keep them close and do things with them. If you spent a lot of time with your partner rather than with them, now is a good time to catch up.
- Move on.
This is often easier said than done but it starts with a decision to let go and move on. One way is to realize that life with that person will never be the same, so you must create a new normal. You also need to remind yourself they are in the past and resist the urge to keep them in your present. Put away pictures and other items that remind you of them. Resist the urge to call them or contact them. Delete their number from your phone. It may be impossible to remove them completely, depending on the situation. If there are children involved or if it is by death that your relationship ended, there will still be a connection. Even so, putting that relationship in its proper place is the most important thing you can do.
This is probably the best thing you can do to move on. As long as you have unforgiveness, they will have power over you and you will feel attached to them. Free yourself by forgiving them in your heart and your mind. This may not be instantaneous, but is a process. You may need to remind yourself every day that you are going to live in a state of forgiveness
Implementing these strategies in your life will ease the pain of the severed relationship and help you develop new coping skills that will allow you to move forward in your life.